The Importance of Reciprocity for Creatives
Why reciprocity is my word of the year for 2024
Each year, some time throughout the first weeks of January, a word drops in. This word ends up showing up in social media, in Pinterest, in messages from friends. It starts to pervade every facet of my life, until I know that it really is my ‘word of the year’. I couldn’t tell you exactly when I started this ritual - calling in a word that would shine a light on a theme in my life that would become the focus of my self-work. I do know that it works really well for me, and I’ve gained so much clarity and confidence working with this method over the past several years.
This leads me to my word for this current calendar year, which is reciprocity. To give you a dictionary definition of this word, it reads:
The practice of exchanging things with others for mutual benefit.
Straight away I knew why this word was so relevant to me, and how it would lead to an utterly transformational year for me.
I give too much.
I love this about myself. I appreciate my generosity, and I enjoy the process of giving to others; it’s my love language. I give words of affirmation, I give active listening and I give undivided attention. I am always excited and willing to give gifts, my time, advice and support - even in regards to my businesses (often in my businesses, in fact). I have often given to the extent that it has left me disadvantaged and burnt-out, and I also very often have not received an equal exchange from others.
Something that has become so crystal clear to me is that it actually has absolutely nothing to do with other people, and everything to do with me.
I am the reason I give too much and ask for so little in return - I am my own barrier to success and reciprocal exchange. I lack the self worth and self belief I need to live in equal exchange with the world around me.
What I love about these insights is that they really shift me out of a victim mentality into a space of empowerment.
The only person who actually has the power to change this, is me. You can’t force other people to give more, show up more, be more present. You can never force another person to change - all you can do is offer them the tools, communicate your needs and allow them to take action when they are ready. Another great thing I’ve always tried to work on is living by example; be the change you wish to see in the world. But if that doesn’t work, be prepared to stick by your boundaries and release that relationship or pull back some energy. Without these boundaries you literally will never stop pouring from your own cup, and nothing will be in place to change how little yours is being filled.
I think as a creative person, as well as a creative person in business, this is extra relevant and important for building a life that gives back and offers a level of sustainability that we all deserve. We can’t create if we aren’t in a flow state, with the right resources to encourage inspiration and connection with source.
Our creative self is like a living, breathing thing that lives inside of us. It’s a gift, and it’s something we are innately driven to share with the world.
Add herbalist on top of this, and you really have the perfect recipe for an empty vessel. It’s often said in herbalist circles that herbalists (and naturopaths) are some of the most generous people on earth, but we are also some of the most poorly compensated. It’s a calling, not a path that is well-known for financial success (that’s not to say that it isn’t possible, but it definitely doesn’t have the reputation of becoming a medical doctor, for example). We are people of service to our communities, and all we want to do is help and make our craft accessible to those who need it, often to the detriment of our own wellbeing.
But this doesn’t mean there can’t be a way to have both a heart and soul of service, and also a thriving business that allows you to work for yourself and honour your very real needs while doing what you love to do. Humans (particularly women) are so multifaceted, there is nothing simple about us. At the same time we are actually incredible simple. We all need food, water, love and a safe space to land. We each deserve to live the lives of our wildest imaginings, herbalist or not, whatever that looks like for us.
One of the greatest lessons I have learnt over the years was from my best friend and work wife
- you don’t get what you don’t ask for. A trait that I deeply admire (and sometimes seriously laugh at, because it can be hilarious) is that she has no fear around asking for what she wants. I have a post coming up about why and how I’ve become an expert at ‘feeling the fear and doing it anyway’, but asking for what I deserve in a mutual exchange was the hardest fear to conquer for me. That only came down to my self worth - I didn’t feel like I knew enough, had enough experience, had enough qualifications, knew enough people, had enough reach. As you can see, this is all coming from a base chakra fear-space.A place of perceived lack.
This year it’s my time to finally claim my desire to be living fully in a freeing state of healthy reciprocity. I am calling in all the readers/clients/customers that are on this same wavelength. What a beautiful thing, to honour and be honoured in return. A dance back and forth, a place of harmonious duality. Everything else in life requires balance to exist in a way that is life-giving; think light and dark, hot and cold, joy and sadness. We need both sides of an experience to live well and thrive.
This word isn’t just relevant to me in creativity or business, but it also speaks to personal relationships. I have experienced a lot of heartbreak in my life purely from platonic relationship experiences. I have always found friendships difficult, and it’s been a significant source of unequal exchange for me. I have been used by so many for what I offered them, treated badly and then abandoned when they found someone new or felt like they were done with me. While this shows up in my natal chart, I have always had this yearning for a community of people that really understood me, and a group of individuals that wanted me to be in their circle. People who know what it means to be reciprocal in relationships, and want to give as much as they take. Find joy in the language of sharing and serving your community in this way.
It all comes from the same place, my inner world. What I am willing to accept for myself and my ability to ask for what I need and welcome that help when it’s offered. My ability to say no to things that are out of my reach, instead of constantly pushing to make things work that just shouldn’t.
So ways that I am calling in reciprocity this year:
This Substack. I love that this is a place that not only celebrates and supports creatives, it offers a really accessible place for them to be compensated for their art while still making it within reach of so many to support them in this way.
Ads in my podcast. This is something that will evolve over time, but podcasts are so much work! It needs to be a space where that work is honoured in some way. Comments, reviews and shares are also amazing ways for the podcast to be a giving being.
A tip jar in my bio link on Instagram. I am often asked questions in my messages, and while I love answering them, it can be very draining. Now that I have a baby my time is even more precious than it was before, so offering the opportunity for people to tip me for my help or advice is just a way for that to make it more sustainable for me.
Putting myself out there and asking to join groups that know what mutual exchange looks and feels like. I find this super scary, but also I know that I want friends who want to go out of their way for me and not find it an inconvenience, but rather a joy. I won’t get this if I don’t reach out to those people and connect.
Saying no to things that I don’t have the capacity for, and not offering help when I don’t have the capacity to help.
Releasing my fears around not being enough, or of my work not being perfect. I’m only human, and I need to give myself grace.
Working on myself energetically to attract the people and opportunities that I want and need.
Ensuring I do continue to give back in ways that are meaningful and sustainable for me.
Visioning and getting really precise with where I want to be and what I want my life to look like so that I can take inspired action to make those things happen.
Leaning into the hard adulting things like finances and strategy so that I can ensure that this reciprocity does not go to waste.
If you are wanting to begin working with a word of the year, my advice would be to just life-meditate on it. That basically just means ponder it while you go about your life. Become a daydreamer for a week or two, and let words just pass in and out of your mind. Do any of them spark something in you? Do any of them linger longer than they should? Does a particular word give you an undesirable response? Maybe that’s your word.
Does that word keep showing up everywhere you look? That definitely might be your word.
I find this practise so much more rewarding than standard new year’s resolutions. It helps me to come out the other end of the year a different, stronger and more aligned version of myself. The key to this working for you is keeping this word in your mind and constantly asking yourself what actions you could take to move closer to reaching the version of you that fully embodies that word.
Do you already work with words in this way? What word have you claimed for this year? I’d love to hear any and all thoughts in the comments below or in the chat thread.